


Beginning of a beautiful disease- Friendship

by creatorRunning (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Like an origin story, but with less origins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 07:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11180256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/creatorRunning
Summary: Okay, I realise they all type in plain text, but I have excuses!1. Dave and John are on a forum. It just so happens it doesn't do text colours.2. Dave and Rose are on a forum. It just so happens it doesn't do text colours.3. John and Jade are in a chat window for the site. it just so happens it doesn't do chat colours.





	Beginning of a beautiful disease- Friendship

Dave Strider and John Egbert

 

_Ping_.

Dave looked up from his phone to the game he hadn’t been paying attention to. Apparently, he was at level 42. Huh, would you look at that. Anyway, it was asking if he’d like to go to the new dimension they had added for level 30 people and over. It was called the 18+ dimension. Dave quirked a smile at the deliberately cringy name. Then his ironic mask descended, and he clicked

Yes.

“Hell fucking yes,” he deadpanned.

A loading bar appeared. He sighed. The bar was moving ridiculously slowly. He leant back and pulled out his phone again.

_Ping._

Dave looked up over his shades. It had loaded. The irony levels were about to get insane.

He appeared to be in the same place as before, except everything was pulsing different colours and every _one_ was a censored bar. Dave froze. This would not stand.

He would not _let_ it stand.

\--

TurntechGodhead opened a thread.

TG: uhh, hey, I joined the 18+ dimension, and the only difference is that everyone is a censored bar.

TG: Is this a joke, or a placeholder, or is it something on my end, or…?

Admin GhostlyTrickster joined the thread.

GT: Hi TurntechGodtech! I’m sorry if you didn’t understand! This is a kid-friendly game! That dimension is just for fun! It isn’t actually supposed to be 18+!

TG: Yo, that’s bullshit this whole thing is bullshit. I demand my dick fix. Bro, you can’t leave me high and dry.

GT: dude, don’t make this weird :B

GT: if it bothers you that much, just make an 18+ mod!

TG: …hmmm…

GT: oh! no, I didn’t mean actually mean that! ack, that’s a horrible idea!

TG: You want in?

GT: yeah. :B

 

 

John Egbert and Jade Harley

 

GT: jeez, Dave!

TG: Dude, all I’m saying is that it totally worked for Rose and me. We both did it. I mean look, she’s my top genetic match. We’re freaky albino twins ffs.

GT: honestly? yeah, I see it, but I’m still not doing it!!!

TG: Bro

GT: Nope!

TG: Bro

GT: No

TG: Bro

GT: No!

TG: Bro

GT: Noooooooo

TG: …

TG: Bro.

GT: …fine.

GT: what’s the site?

TG: [www.genefinder.us](http://www.genefinder.us)

John opened up the page, already regretting it. They would send you a spit-tube for $10, which was cheap, or at least John thought so! It had a week waiting time as the results were processed. He sighed. He may as well do it now so Dave stopped bugging him.

\--

A week later, John’s dad called him to open his post.

“Oh nice, they processed the spit-tube!”

They gave him a code to enter into his browser, and he called up the results quickly.

They showed the results in ascending order of top ten. The first looked nothing like him, but he had raven hair as well, which was as far as the similarities went. The second was even less like the first, with ginger- ginger! - Hair and a bazillion freckles. The rest followed that rough pattern, sharing certain features, but sometimes being so ridiculously unlike him he had to laugh. And at the very end, the top result was a girl who looked… quite a bit like him, actually! She had the same raven black hair, needed glasses, and had the same buck-toothed grin. The file of miscellaneous information put her height at the same as what he had put his- he added an inch, he didn’t want to be matched with midgets, after all! His dad was tall, and he would get taller, too! Maybe.

Anyway, she also registered a bunch of other things really similar as well!

He checked the name and chat handle given.

He opened up the in-site chat window.

GT: Hi, Jade!

GG: Hi, John!

GG: Wow, we matched 93%!

GT: Yeah, I know, I saw it too! :/

GG: Heehee! Sorry, I was just excited to meet someone who I shared so much of myself with!

GT: Haha, yeah. So, tell me a bit about yourself!

GG: Well, I live on an island with my dog Bec and the dead body of my grandpa Harley!

GT: …

GG: …

GT: Jade.

GG: Yes?

GT: We just became friends.

GG: Heehee!

 

 

Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde

Hell fucking yeah. Dave was about to officially max out his irony meter, forever. No question of his total domination of the sacred art. He clicked register on the web page that would spell his ticket to irony heaven.

Welcome to the Horrorterror Lounge.

About us:

We discuss the works of H.P. Lovecraft and compare their parallels on the real world.

TurntechGodhead _has joined the community lounge._

TG: Yo, what’s up my fellow witches and wizards.

TG: Wait. Why is my name grey.

TG: That shit ain’t cool.

TT: Shh. It isn’t a good idea to draw attention to oneself in the presence of the Emissaries of the Void.

TG: Holy Shit I was wrong, there are people more ironic than Bro.

TT: Oh for the love of-

TurntechGodhead _and_ TentacleTherapist _left the lounge._

TurntechGodhead _and_ TentacleTherapist _are now communing in the private antechamber._

TG: Yo, how’s it hanging?

TT: If you cannot control your emotions around the Emissaries, you cannot be allowed in the Community Lounge.

TG: Oh, my bad, didn’t realise it was a roleplay site.

TT: …You genuinely don’t know, do you?

TG: Yo, what do you mean ‘cannot control my emotions?’ I have my emotions under wraps.

TG: I’m in goddamn control.

TG: Like a plane checking in with ground control, I got that shit on a flight path.

TT: Incredible.

TG: What.

TT: You’ve managed to bury your feelings under… Irony. I’d love to talk to you further, if you would be okay with it.

TT: It’s just you would present a unique challenge for me to psychoanalyse.

TG: Lady, if you can teach me your inscrutably ironic ways, I’ll let you psychoanalyse me from here to China.

TT: O…kay.

TT: Moving on.

TT: How does tomorrow at seven work for you?

TG: Sure, why not.

 

 

Jade Harley and Rose Lalonde

 

TG: Yo, Egderp.

GT: Yeah?

GT: Ugh, wait.

GT: I haven’t been on for so long and now I hate my handle.

GT: One sec.

Ghostlytrickster [GT] is now offline!

…

…..

…

……..

EctoBiologist [EB] is now online!

EB: Much better!

EB: anyway, what’s up?

TG: I had this idea.

TG: This maverick, mad idea.

TG: You’re gonna love it, but it’s a damn blindsider.

TG: You ready?

EB: You want to introduce Jade and Rose?

TG: How the actual shitting fuck.

EB: Yeah, good idea!

EB: I mean, jade’s 93% me and Rose is…

EB: How much like you was she?

TG: 92%

EB: Yeah, see! We’re such good friends, they have to be!

TG: Okay, I know you didn’t just guess that I was talking about that, who told you.

EB: Rose :B

TG: Well Played, Lalonde.

TentacleTherapist [TT] joined the chat!

TT: Naturally.

\--

GG began pestering TT!

GG: Hi Rose!!

TT: Hello, Jade.

GG: What’s up?

TT: I just purchased some knitting needles, wool, and a life-sized wizard statue.

TT: Apart from that, though, I’m afraid it’s been rather dull.

GG: :O

GG: THAT”S SO COOL!

TT: Really.

GG: uhh, YEAH!

GG: Does it cast any spells?!?!?

TT: Well you can hang coats on it.

GG: Slightly less exiting, but still cool!

GG: What else do you have??

TT: I have a crystal ball I bought from a Ukrainian cod merchant.

GG: But… There’s no sea for a cod to get to Ukraine in.

TT: That’s what I said.

GG: :P

GG: So what does the crystal ball do?

TT: Occasionally?

TT: breathe.

GG: :OOOOO

TT: Or, at least, make a breathing sound. It’s meant to fool people into thinking there’s a ghost.

TT: The idea is that you leave the room for water or something, and then _they_ report the presence.

GG: Wow. That would scare me!!!

TT: Quite. What about your recent purchases?

GG: I bought a gun!

TT: I’m guessing that this island you live in hasn’t any gun laws.

GG: Nope!

TT: I didn’t think so. Anyway, I must attend to David’s therapy session. Lovely speaking with you, Jade.

GG: Likewise, Rosalind!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I realise they all type in plain text, but I have excuses!  
> 1\. Dave and John are on a forum. It just so happens it doesn't do text colours.  
> 2\. Dave and Rose are on a forum. It just so happens it doesn't do text colours.  
> 3\. John and Jade are in a chat window for the site. it just so happens it doesn't do chat colours.  
> 


End file.
